You asked for help with one simple task: take the trash out. A little bit later you realize your partner didn’t do it. When you ask why they didn’t do it, your partner says “I never heard you ask me”. Why are you not surprised that your partner failed to hear the one thing they wanted done? This “selective hearing” is a common indication that communication is breaking down.
We tend to view selective hearing as a negative, kind of like it’s a character flaw. Accusing someone of selective hearing is implying they weren’t listening to you. But it’s possible that the actual culprit behind your selective hearing may not be a short attention span, it may be the early phases of hearing loss.
Selective hearing – what is it?
You’ve most likely been accused of selective hearing at some point in your life, even if no one used that specific name. Selective hearing happens when you can clearly hear information that’s beneficial to you but conveniently miss the bit that’s negative. You hear the part about cooking a delicious meal but miss the part about cleaning up the dishes. Things like that.
It’s really common for people to have selective hearing behavior. However, most studies point to males failing to hear their partners more frequently than women.
It may be tempting to draw some social conclusions from that (and the way that individuals are socialized certainly does play a part in how this behavior is contextualized). But hearing health is likely another major factor. Let’s say your “selective hearing” begins to become more prevalent or more common. That could actually be an early indication of hearing loss.
Hearing loss can create gaps in communication
Undiagnosed hearing loss can definitely make communication much more challenging. You’re likely not surprised by that.
But here’s the thing: in many cases, communication problems are an indication of hearing loss.
When hearing loss is in those really early phases, there aren’t going to be very many noticeable symptoms. Your tv might get a bit louder. When go out to your local haunt, you have a hard time hearing conversations. You probably just assume it’s because of the loud music. But besides scenarios like that, you may never even notice how loud day-to-day sounds can be. This allows your hearing to slowly (but surely) deteriorate. You barely notice the problem until you’re at the point where you often have difficulty hearing conversations.
Your hearing health is worrying your partner
The people around you will most likely be worried. Your friends and family will most likely be irritated when they think you’re intentionally ignoring what they say. But as it turns out more and more frequently, irritation might turn to concern.
So, your partner may recommend you set up a hearing exam to find out if something is wrong.
It’s important to pay attention to your partner’s concerns. Have an open conversation and consider that they have a caring attitude and not just aggravation.
Early hearing loss has a few other indicators
You should be aware of some of the other early warning signs of hearing loss if your selective hearing seems to be getting worse. Here are a few of those signs:
- When people talk it sounds distant or muffled
- Cranking the volume up on your devices
- Hearing in crowds is challenging
- Consonants are hard to make out
- Having to ask others to speak up or slow down
You should contact us for a hearing exam if you experience any of these symptoms.
Always protect your hearing
It’s crucial that you take measures to safeguard your ears in order to prevent hearing loss. Minimize your exposure to noisy settings (or at least wear earmuffs or earplugs when you must be around noise). Hearing aids can also help you have more effective communication, which can smooth over many rough patches that your hearing loss might have caused in the first place.
In most situations throughout your life, selective hearing will be an artifact of a waning attention span. But you might want to take it as an indication that it’s time to get a hearing test when people around you begin to observe your selective hearing getting worse.